A few weeks ago as I and two of my daughters were chatting at the kitchen table the two grandsons, Jedi five and Ryker four were running around the table and screaming and laughing. I stopped them and said, “This is a 4500 sq. ft. house so I am sure you can find another room to play in now.” Within a few seconds they started again and I, without thinking about it, yelled, “Enough!” Everyone stopped talking and the boys froze in place and then Jedi said, “Ok.” and off they ran. Sara started to laugh and said, “Wow, ‘Mom Circa 1982’ stopped by to visit. Gina, also laughing, said, “Now, that’s the mother I remember.”
I have talked to a lot of grandmas and they will all tell you the same thing. Their children accuse them of being a different person as a grandmother compared to the mother they were. Well, good grief, I would hope that I am a different person now than I was thirty or forty years ago. I was sure, when my girls were young, that democracy as we know it would collapse if they didn’t eat their green beans. I remind myself that at the time I was going to college part time, baby sitting during the day to help defray the college costs as well as maintaining a home. A schedule and consistency were vital to keeping things moving smoothly. Add to that the fact that as a young parent you are learning on the fly. Obviously being the mother of a 15 year older is easier the fourth time than it was the first time. Plus, as parents you aren’t just feeding and caring for your children’s physical health and well being and teaching them good citizenship but you are also helping to form their moral compass.
As a grandmother I don’t have to worry about any of those things where my grandchildren are concerned. Their parents take care of that and I might add they are doing an incredible job. I just back them up. Generally grandparents don’t have the stress of worrying about meeting the physical needs of their grandchildren. We get to buy the fun stuff. We get to give them a wink and a hug as we give them a piece of candy before dinner. As they get older we get to be the calm voice when Mom and Dad are freaking over some issues. We know that ‘this too shall pass.’
Things change when the country is facing a pandemic. When the schools were closed I immediately kicked in to watch the boys. During the day I am now filling more of the “mother’ role as they have to do some school work using ABC Mouse and papers Sara picked up for them. I laugh when people say that this should be easy for me as I taught for 15 years. I taught high school and my students knew their alphabet. So this is new territory for me as it has been many years since my girls were at this stage. I forgot the questions such as; “Why is A before B?”
They help me ( I use the word help loosely) cook and bake as well as helping with folding clothes etc. Baking is always a fun time as they both want to crack the eggs. Jedi is getting pretty good at it but Ryker is like a bull in a china shop as he just kind of grabs it and squeezes. Time is well spent as I pick out any pieces of shell that aren’t stuck to his hand. I try to explain that shells are never part of a recipe.
“Can we play in the bath tub?” “Sure”, I figure this can be some down time. I foolishly get my book thinking that as they play I can read a few pages. About half a page in I hear. “He peed on me!!” in a hysterical voice. I jump up and get the youngest to the toilet so he can finish and then make sure the oldest is rinsed off. He is acting, of course, like he had been hit with hot lava. So, bath time is over and, well, I did get half a page read.
Big surprise: they don’t always play together without a squabble. Or when they are playing together it might not be with their toys but with items they aren’t supposed to play with such as all the plastic ware in the cupboards for example. When they are doing their school work and Jedi is working on his letters, well, this might be the time the spirit moves Ryker to take a crayon and make a big, fat line on Jedi’s page. Yes, a fun time is had by all.
It is at those moments that “Mom Circa 1982” stops by to visit. Her voice is different from a grandma voice. I am sure her expression is different too as she is pointing them to their room after they pick up the mess or say, “sorry” as they hug me or each other. It isn’t long before Grandma with her patience and calm tone is back but “Mom Circa 1982” isn’t far because some times she is needed to keep everyone on track.