Month: November 2020

I believe that too much violence for young people or adults isn’t healthy but as I look back on my childhood I wonder how I survived as a “fairly” sane person. There are a ton of studies regarding violent video games and movies today. Yes, the movies today are far too graphic for my taste. I don’t like or appreciate gratuitous violence in a movie and I don’t play video games. However, the bottom line as far as I am concerned, is that it is the parents job to make sure that their children eat the right food for their physical growth and watch and listen to the right entertainment for their mental growth. It is also up to parents to teach empathy and the correct values to their children in order for their children to become a part of a thriving community. Our generation grew up with a lot of “cowboys and Indians” games or soldier games. Every boy I knew had a gun and holster and I am happy to say that no one I know turned out to be a serial killer or mass shooter.

So, regarding my childhood, lets look at Fairy Tales for a moment. Most of them came from around the year 1100. I don’t understand why somebody didn’t think about updating or altering them a bit. Here are a few examples that popped into my head.

How about Jack and the Bean Stalk and the Giant’s quote? “Fee Fi Fo Fum I smell the blood of an English man, be he alive or be he dead, I’ll grind his bones to make my bread”. Are you kidding me? What were the adults thinking? However, I am happy to report that I haven’t heard of anyone in my generation grinding up anybody’s bones to make bread.

A favorite of many adults when someone sneezed was the following: “God Bless you and may you be in Heaven 15 minutes before the Devil knows you’re dead.” I had nightmares where I was frantically skidding into the Pearly Gates just before the Devil grabbed me and stopped me from getting in to Heaven. I am thrilled that most people today settle with the basic, “God Bless You.”

We all know people who have suffered childhood trauma. It can affect the rest of the person’s life especially when it comes to having positive relationships. So, what do the grownups of our time do? They have us grow up reading about Hansel and Gretel who were supposedly two lovely young children who are constantly being taken into the woods by their parents in hopes they would not find their way home. They eventually find an old lady who proves to be evil too and they finally push the women into a hot oven. They couldn’t just run out the door and find help or just work their way back home again? Okay, maybe push her down or something but into a hot oven? Again, as far as I know no one in my generation has pushed any old ladies, even mean ones, into a hot oven.

Can you imagine telling children today about a dwarf like man who will help a young women in return for favors including giving him a baby. Take a moment and read Rumpelstiltskin. Why didn’t parents warn their daughters about guys who are good at conning women? Now, you would think after reading Rumpelstiltskin that all of us women from that generation would have NEVER gotten played by any guy but sadly that is not the case.

We all know how women suffer who have been sexually assaulted. Incest is such a horror that it is still whispered about in polite company. Yet, “The King That Wanted To Marry His daughter” was a big tale in its day. The Princess gets away but ends up on an island where she works as a maid. I am happy to say that I don’t know anyone whose father wanted to marry her. However, sadly, when I was working in the social work field I had cases involving incest and they were heartbreaking. Yet, someone thought making a fairy tale about it was a good idea.

When the Stockholm Syndrome is mentioned most people will think of Patty Hurst but when I was young it was Belle from Beauty and the Beast. Think about it. Belle is captured by a hideous beast and held against her will. She of course falls for him despite him being really scary and mean. He eventually changes and of course the spell is broken and he becomes a handsome, kind and loving prince. How many times were we women told through stories that it is okay to be mistreated by a guy because he will eventually change or worse that we can change him. Sadly, many women would learn the hard way that it doesn’t work that way in the real world.

Now, let us take a look at what you should say to someone who has been drinking alcoholic beverages at your house. When I was young I can’t tell you how many times I heard the following when someone was getting ready to leave. “No, don’t leave with out one more for the road!” Did people back then really think that cars could find their way home? It wouldn’t be until 1980 when Candace Lightener founded MADD that drunk driving laws changed. Now, designated drivers are common, as they should be, if there is going to be drinking.

How many of us said the following prayer? Now I lay me down to sleep and pray the Lord my soul to keep; if I die before I wake I pray the Lord my soul to take. Seriously?? How many of us worried as we closed our eyes? You got to wonder who came up with that prayer. The new version is much better. Now I lay me down to sleep and pray the Lord my soul to keep; angels watch me through the night and wake me with the morning light.

To tie this up I have my “never to be humble” opinion. It seems that every generation from about year 1100 has wanted to scare the pee pee out of young people. Perhaps, we can continue to do so but in a more muted fashion so that we don’t have another generation of adults who are still looking under their beds or worrying about out running the Devil one day.

I have learned that as I get older I suffer fools even less than when I was young. I understand John Milton when he said that he does not “suffer fools gladly.”

I think the most important thing that I have learned is the importance of my faith. It is through my faith that I have weathered some awful storms. Now, that said, my faith wasn’t always at the fore front of my life and as I look back I see how I made things harder on myself by it not being in the fore front. My faith is based on Jesus Christ. I recommend getting to know Him if you don’t already. I will also add that I have met many atheists and agnostics in my life but I have never personally met a joyful one. I am not saying that there aren’t any but I have never met one.

I have learned to put a rectangular laundry basket in my trunk or hatch area to put grocery bags into so they don’t fly around. I don’t like those nets you can put in your trunk because they squish the bags.

I have learned that love and long term commitment is definitely a two way street. When I was young, women were taught that keeping the marriage and home happy and running smoothly were the woman’s duty. Keeping the man happy at all times was the core of a woman’s existence. If you want a happy home it is necessary for both to share the load especially today when so many woman work outside the home.

I have learned that there is not a good substitute for real butter. I don’t care what the ads say, anyone with working taste buds knows real butter from the fake stuff they pedal on TV.

I have learned that most hills are not worth dying on. When we are young we tend to think that anything that happens in our life that didn’t go as planned was a hill worth dying over. Social media has exasperated this problem. Young people put any drama, big or small, on social media and then they feed off of the responses. As we get older we see that the hills worth dying over are issues regarding people you love, the moral decay of this wonderful country, attempts to sanitize history, the dumbing down of our schools and issues such as human trafficking, to name a few.

I have learned that democracy as we know it will not collapse if we have fast food or breakfast for dinner.

I have learned that this is not a dress rehearsal. This is your life. When we are young we don’t always think of the consequences of our actions. We just figure we have time to fix things if we make a mistake. We make choices every day and most have little or no long term effects. It is as we get older that we come to acknowledge that some choices have long term consequences and that we will carry the burden of those consequences until we die.

I have learned that not everything that is put in our hands is for our use.

I have learned that being a grandparent is much different than being a parent. This is true on numerous levels. First you don’t have the financial burden of raising these children and second you can actually laugh when they act like complete fools in public because your wish has come true. Your children’s children are acting just like they did!! More importantly you know that those hills, that I talked about earlier, really are not that important and you can share this knowledge with your children. You can try to smooth out the moments when your children look bewildered. You get to have fun with the grandchildren and not worry about all the clean up afterward. A note to all you grandparents who are raising your grandchildren – You rock and your grandchildren are blessed to have you in their lives.

I have learned that few things in life beat the joy of spending time with a friend.

I have learned that nothing shows you care like food. I always taught my girls that if someone is having a hard time or facing a problem then a visit with food is always a good thing. Maybe the person just needs to vent but it sure helps if there is a fresh coffee cake to go with the coffee. If the person is facing a more significant event such as being seriously ill, the hospitalization of a loved one or worse the loss of a loved one then a meal is what is called for at this time. I have been a part of numerous meal trains and offering to organize one can be a real blessing to the person in need as well as the person organizing it as well as those who take part. A woman once told me that nothing annoyed her more than paying for food as she could use that money for other things. She spent as little as possible on food and she and her husband often lived on PB&J. I reminded her that if God didn’t want us to enjoy food he wouldn’t have given us taste buds. Plus, most of Jesus’s gatherings involved food so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that food and how it is offered can provide comfort.

I have learned to never leave home without lipstick. No matter how bad a day may be a touch of lipstick can help.

I have learned that Grandma was right and there is always room for one more at the table especially during the Holidays.

I have learned to never go anywhere without a book.

I have learned that as pretty as heels may look; comfortable shoes, especially sneakers and sandals, rock!

These are a few of the things I have learned. I hope that most of you my age or getting there can relate to them.