By the time you reach my age you should have accumulated some wisdom. If you haven’t, well, I can’t help but wonder what you have been doing all these years.
The problem I find is that I am not always sure when I should share my, in my never to be humble opinion, awesome wisdom. My daughters have no problem telling me when to share it and it is usually NEVER in their opinion. But, I have so much. A lot of it gained at great expense to me. How can I not share it?
When to step in and ask a stranger if they need assistance is a delicate dance for those of us with wisdom to share. For instance, I was in the grocery store not to long ago and I saw an elderly man staring, with a bewildered look on his face, at all the different spaghetti sauces. I walked over and smiled and asked if he needed some help. His relief to my asking was palpable. He told me his wife had sent him to get some spaghetti sauce for dinner as she had forgotten to buy it. He didn’t understand how most of them didn’t say “spaghetti sauce” but “marinara sauce.” I ask him if she was actually making spaghetti or some other dish and he said yes she was making spaghetti. I asked him if he wanted plain sauce, sauce with garlic and mushrooms or sauce with meat in it. He said the garlic and mushrooms would be great. So, we zeroed in on Prego as it was on sale and I assured him it was a very good brand. He reached for a jar and then I asked how many people would there be and he said ten. I handed him two more jars. Now, had one of my daughters been there she would have said, “Mom” with a heavy sigh.
I remember the time a parent of one of my students said that it was a parents job to make sure their child was happy at all times. It is not often that I am speechless but I was for a few seconds at that time. I guess my silence gave her the impression I agreed as she said that she could see I understood where she was coming from. I quickly regained my senses and explained to her that I did not agree. I told her that her son is extremely disruptive in class and was rude to me which is why she is at this meeting with me now. I told her that I had five adult children and that my husband and I felt that our job was to do our best to make sure they become functioning, contributing members of society. They were raised to be kind, polite and generous. They knew early on that life can be hard and nobody is happy all the time. They were taught that there are consequences for their actions. I then told her that her son’s behavior will not be accepted in college and most certainly will not be accepted when he gets a job. She then told me that she hadn’t asked for my opinion. I had thought I was sharing wisdom but either way she demanded a meeting with our Administrator. Long story short – she got the same response from the Administrator. Yes, sometimes wisdom isn’t appreciated. Who would have thought?
Young people think they know everything they need to know but sadly that isn’t the case. However, we need to remember that in all probability we thought the same way. As I have gotten older I have deep appreciation for “gut instincts” and I tried to teach the proper response to them to my daughters. If I got a bad feeling off of someone they brought over their response was that I just didn’t like their friends. This is one area where trying to share your hard earned wisdom can fall on deaf ears and there isn’t much you can do about it.
New parents can be tricky. I remember with my first daughter how scared I was when I brought her home. I had never even changed a diaper up till that moment. I didn’t have any family nearby but I did read in the paper that the Red Cross back then would make home visits. So, I called and the woman they sent was a true blessing. She showed me how to bath my daughter and what to watch for feeding her etc. Now, fast forward to my last two daughters and boy does all that wisdom kick in fast. When my oldest daughter was little I was sure she would be damaged emotionally if I didn’t pick her up immediately after she started to cry. By the later ones a pound on the wall sufficed as I said I will be there in a few minutes. A few years ago one of my daughters and I were at a friend’s house and the friend’s son was there with his wife and their five year old son. When his child got in trouble for throwing something, his immediate response while crying was they hate him. He yelled how his friends have parents that love them. His parents began to hug him and reassure him how much they loved him blah, blah and more blah. I was ready to share my wisdom but the laser piercing look from my daughter convinced me not to but boy did I want to impart some wisdom!!
Where do I start when it comes to the way young women dress today? My wisdom over flows but they don’t want to listen. My goodness, nothing is left to the imagination any more and I do mean nothing. I was on a cruise recently and I saw some women who had to weigh close to 300 pounds wearing string bikinis by the pool. They would walk in and smile as everyone stared at them. I wanted to yell to them that they are staring because you look so awful not because they are impressed with you being comfortable in your own skin. Now, this was one occasion where I had no problem keeping my wisdom to myself as I would have feared for my physical safety. Girls think it is cool to wear shorts where the bottom of their butts show and tops where nearly all their breasts are hanging out. Girls! Listen! I might sound old-fashioned but trust me when I tell you that the kind of man who wants a family and a good life will not take you home to meet his mother. What really stuns me is the number of moms who think this is all cute and have no problem with their daughters dressing like this. Now, I am not saying I want girls to dress like they stepped out of filming for the Handmaid’s Tale, but get a little modesty back in the picture. Plus, I would like to share the wisdom that those bodies aren’t here to stay. At some point gravity will win so you had better not measure your self esteem and self worth on how your body looks.
As we acquire wisdom we also learn a big life lesson. Which hills are worth dying on and which are not. When we are young we are ready to throw down and fight for every little thing we feel is worth our wrath. Keeping a schedule and making sure everything is on time is crucial. Guess what? It isn’t. I used to go bonkers if I got off schedule as I was sure it was a sign I wasn’t a good mother. I want to share with young parents that it is okay if that load of laundry gets done tomorrow. It is okay to have peanut butter sandwiches and chips for dinner now and again when the day has been hectic and crazy. A spill is just that – a spill. God made us wash and wear and lets face it most of our clothes are too. It is okay to stop a project in the middle and take a few minutes and read a book with your child that is picking up on your stress. I remembering trying to protect my children from every evil known to man. You can’t. The best we can do is try to control when they find out about these evils. Sometimes I wish I could stand on a bench in a park loaded with parents and start sharing some of this wisdom but people look at you funny if you do that and then they call the police. I do have to smile as I picture the expression on my daughter’s face when she comes to bail me out.
Social Media is one area where my wisdom truly over flows. Why do people think they need to publicize every single personal detail of their lives? Now, I know a lot of older people do this but it is the young people who have given new meaning to the belief that we need to share everything we think and do with the entire world. I want to tell them that one day they will be sorry because once out there it is there forever. They have no idea how their lives can change and that job opportunities or promotions may be lost to them because of what they said or shared on social media. I have seen young women discuss the abortions they had!! Some things that we do should be taken to the grave and not shared with the entire world. Pictures posted are there forever too and I guarantee that one day they will be sorry they are so accessible. They aren’t thinking about how they may find themselves answering the questions their children will have when those posts come popping in the future. I wish they would understand that the only reason these posts will come back to haunt them is because someone wants to hurt them on some level. Sadly, by the time these young people gain the wisdom to understand it will be too late and much of their lives will be fodder for those who don’t like them.
Now, as I said, I believe that most people acquire wisdom as they age. However, I have noticed one glaring exception – Politicians!! It is mindboggling how politicians seem to actually lose wisdom. Is it the fact that many get caught up in the power they wield? Is it because they like the money and don’t want to get a real job so they see which way the wind is blowing and then agree to anything ? Is this why prominent Republicans, who claim to be Conservative, now agree with allowing children under the age of 18 to have permanent gender altering surgery because being trans is now “in?” Young people are being taught that our Founding Father’s were evil men and that today’s Liberals are going to save our country. I find it ironic because our Founding Father’s may not have been perfect but they truly believed in using the wisdom they had attained to better the country not their personal lives. Much as I hate to admit it, there is no way that I can use my wisdom in this case. If I could I would but trying to instill wisdom into most of today’s politicians would be futile. That has to come from within and sadly most politicians today seem to be emotionally hollow and mentally vacant.
In the meantime I will continue to look for opportunities to share my wisdom, especially when my daughters aren’t around to interfere, or give unsolicited eye rolls.